My Final Solution to the Weed Problem

For years, Susie took care of the lawn, including mowing.  But she developed osteoperosis and at 62 her balance on our sloped yard is not good.  I don’t want her to risk falling, so last Fall I took over the mowing.

Now that mowing has become my job, I realize we don’t have a lawn.  We have weeds.  I only noticed the weed problem in the last few months because summer is when it often rains daily.

And the dominant weed is one which can grow two inches within a day or two of a rain.  Within less than two weeks of a rain, that weed can be six inches high.

Last Sunday, I mowed the weeds.  So of course the usual suspects caused a drenching rain Monday evening and Tuesday morning.  The TV meteorologist said it was a good inch of rain.  So by Thursday, the weeds were two inches high.

Now I am not about to mow this weekend or even next weekend.  I will not let the weed destroy my life.  Instead, I am planning the final solution to my weed problem – extermination by chemical warfare.

After a Google search of images for “lawn weeds” I believe I have identified the offending weed as nutsedge.  The description sounds right and the image looks right too.  I’ve included a photo below so that knowledgeable readers can confirm my identification or correct it.

Nutsedge or….?

According to the literature, nutsedge is a very pernicious weed.

But there is also a chemical made specifically for exterminating nutsedge.  At $22 for 32 ounces, it’s not cheap as weed killers go.  But it is very cheap if it does the job and I no longer have to mow more than once a month.

And I’m taking a long perspective…

Neighbors a few doors down the street completely redid their front yard.  Brought in heavy equipment, dug up the entire yard, and produced a new landscape.  I noticed that a good part of it is cactus and rocks.  In Las Vegas, many homes have no grass, just rock and cactus. (They don’t have much yard either.)

Maybe that’s an approach I should emulate.  There’ll be an initial investment to hire a landscaper but after that I’ll have a lot more time for more important activities (like poker).  (Maybe the Groupon gods will smile upon me and offer 50% off on landscaping.)

Attention weeds: these are your final days!  A chemical shower awaits you!  Muhahahaha!

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5 responses to “My Final Solution to the Weed Problem

  1. I found your post hilarious for many reasons: from how it matters so much now that you’re the one doing the mowing, to the analyzing and timing of how it will affect you, to the snapping up of a specimen for photographing, researching,displaying, and setting plans for destruction. Let us know how this turns out!

  2. This cracks me up! I saw a TV program once where a woman was talking, I think, about “natural” lawn care and she said she doesn’t care if she has weeds or grass, as long as it’s green. I developed a much more relaxed attitude about it then. However, I hadn’t thought about the problem of having to mow more frequently. My front yard has few weeds, but the back is an amazing botanical collection made of every weed known to man. Yard guy mows my lawn about every two weeks from March to October. But depending on the amount of rain, the weeds in the back get pretty high, and all sorts of critters live there who want to bite my ankles.
    You see a lot of those rock-and-cactus lawns in the Tampa area, because their water restrictions are so strict. And it doesn’t rain that much, either.

    • Think how much you could save if Yard Guy didn’t need to come by because you too embarked on a “final solution.”

      My neighbor pays $40 each time his yard guys show up and his lawn is about half mine. (Now I think of it, you have seen my…weeds.) $40 is almost the price of a poker tournament buy-in at Gretna.

      • Yard Guy charges $35 per visit and it is completely worth it. He does more than mow. In fact, in order to mow, he has to remove fallen limbs and muscle them to the street. He is so meticulous he removes pine cones. He periodically climbs onto the roof and sweeps it free of pine needles. AND, he is a child of north Florida, so knows when something is a native plant or something you planted with great care and will not indiscriminately kill it.

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