Jaw Dropping Headlines You May Have Missed

I spend most of my lunch at work reading the news.  I start off with CNN and USA Today and then move on to a number of Florida newspapers, including those of Orlando, Miami, and Tampa

Although I’m interested in “hard” news, I’m amazed at how regularly I come across bizarre headlines. And it’s often those headlines that are the most popular, not the “hard” news.

Here are some headlines you may have missed: (notice what part of the country many of these events occurred):

Cop Dies During 3-way Sex; Widow Wins $3 Million.
One of Georgia’s finest suffered a fatal cardiac… arrest… when he and another male engaged in a menage a trois with a female.  He was 31.  His widow,who was not part of the tryst, sued his cardiologist for failing to diagnosis his condition and/or failing to warn him that such activity was a no-no in his condition.  The jury found the cardiologist 60% liable and so the widow received 60% of the $5 million damages she was suing for.

Nude Man Found Dead on Killer Whale’s Back.
A nature lover who wanted to swim with a killer whale by-passed security at Orlando’s Sea World after it had closed and got into a tank with an 11,000 pound killer whale.  He was found the next morning in the manner described by the headline.  Don’t try that on your next vacation….

Man Dies After Eating Cocaine Hidden in Brother’s Butt.
Now I didn’t want to actually read the article because it sounded too disgusting. And I was fairly certain that what happened was the cocaine was in a balloon and it was eaten after being taken out of the balloon.  In the interest of accuracy, I read the article.  There was no balloon… Eeeeyeeeeeew!  (This happened in South Carolina.)

Man Who Had Sex With Three-Legged Dog Won’t Be Charged
A perv in Clearwater (Florida) who had his way with his girlfriend’s dog will not be charged for violating Florida’s new beastiality law.  He was originally being investigated on suspicion of child porn when 6 photos of him “in flagrante delicto” with the dog were found on his cell phone.  (He was probably sending them to fellow animal…lovers.)

He escaped charges because 5 of the 6 photos documented oral sex and that is NOT covered by the state’s beastiality law.  And the one photo that did depict what the law covered was undated, so it was unclear whether that act took place before or after the law went into effect.  (Why is it that unimaginative Florida legislators  cannot think through just what kind of sex one can have with an animal.

Got any bizarre headlines and stories to pass on? Enquiring minds want to know!


2 responses to “Jaw Dropping Headlines You May Have Missed

  1. As for being nude and dead on the back of an Orca, I seem to remember that they swim so fast it tears your clothes off. Any word on how he managed to remain on its back while being dead?
    I unfortunately had to imagine oral sex with a dog. It would seem to me that the human had to be the performer, and the dog the recipient…but not necessarily. Although that is harder to imagine. It was a tossup as to which was more repulsive–oral sex with a dog, or the balloon-less cocaine. I guess I’ll have to pick the cocaine.

  2. > how he managed to remain on its back while being dead?
    My guess is that since the orca probably swam in shows with humans on its back, the orca placed the guy on its back after he died.

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