I don’t watch much TV and what I do watch is usually History Channel, A & E, and similar types of “educational” shows. But one night, while channel surfing, I stumbled upon what may be the most interesting, if macabre, “educational TV” show I’ve seen yet.
I’m talking about Spike TVs “1000 Ways to Die.” This shows recreates what it says are documented deaths which mostly resulted from stupidity, although some are just bizarre bad luck.
On the “stupid” meter, the top one (so far) was the two Ozzie Osborne fans who were drinking and otherwise prepping for a festival later that day. One of them had a special treat for his friend.
Believing that their hero had snorted fire ants, the host had gathered some fire ants in a container so the two could recreate the stunt. The ants bit them, causing their nasal passages to become so swollen that they both suffocated. Ozzie, Ozzie Ozzie!
Two young Chinese heavy metal fans who worked in a toy factory in China would relax from their boring jobs by blasting their favorite music in the evening and “headbanging.” This included the two of them jumping between each other’s beds. Police theorize that one of them lost his footing when landing on a bed by an open window and fell out the sixth floor window. His friend apparently thought his buddy had exhuberantly jumped out the window and so followed him to his death. What are friends for?
During a July 4th drinking party, a host decided to impress his friends, who loved firecrackers, by constructing a firecracker launcher out of PVC pipe. After a number of warm-up beers, the inebriated host dragged the launcher out to the oohs and aahs of his guests. He had improvised a large firecracker from other firecrackers for a spectacular launch. He lit the fuse and dumped the missile into the launcher. No launch…. After waiting what seemed an appropriate time for a delayed fuse, the host peered down into the launcher. You guessed it…it launched right into his forehead, killing him.
On the “bad luck” side is the tale of an Irishman visiting the U.S. While playing golf, he waded into some brush to retrieve an errant ball. A rat ran up his pants leg and the man started jumping up and down and slapping the rat. The rat was so terrified it urinated on him. The man thought nothing of it. Unfortunately, he had a break in his skin where the rat urinated and the urine created a raging infection which killed the man.
This next story got my poker odds brain thinking about “what was the probability.” A college student dove from a popular spot into a lake. The dive was very high and the speed entering the water is about 30 MPH. This student dove feet first and through sheer bad luck hit at an angle which shot water up, and burst, his rectum and intestines. He died from loss of blood from all the burst blood vessels.
But perhaps the stupidest and most bizarre death I saw involved a Utah lone wolfer who lived in the boonies. He had learned from a porn magazine about an interesting form of sexual gratification and decided to try it. He bought a fresh cow heart from a slaughter house and hooked it up to a 12-volt car battery. I presume this cause the heart to twitch, making the sexual encounter somewhat “lifelike.”
Apparently, he didn’t care for the low powered car battery and decided that if some electricity is good, then more is better. So he somehow hooked the cow heart into a 110-volt outlet and received the sexual experience of his life. It was so good it stopped his heart.