My Wife Caught Me With Porn !

So there I was, completely mesmerized by the photos in the glossy paged magazine.  And like all good porn, these were “close up” photos which left nothing to the imagination.  (Actually, my imagination was running wild….)

And, this magazine had text to go along with the photos.  The text was quite arousing, further increasing my inflamed desires.

Then, my wife noticed what I was up to and hollered: “Stop it!… we already have over 10 pounds of coffee and there’s no room for more!”  That’s right… I was drooling over coffee porn: Coffee Bean Direct’s semi-annual catalog, which I receive as a customer.

What coffee lover can fail to be seduced by close up photos of, in my case, dark oily beans which promise a rich taste?  And the descriptions…!  I could barely restrain myself when I came upon: “Organic Fair Trade CO2 Decaf Guatemalan Huehuetenango.”

Now let’s dissect the nature that mouthful. “Organic” is commonly understood, so I won’t get into that.

“Fair Trade” is something that came about because many small coffee farmers receive less for their coffee than the production cost.  To qualify as “Fair Trade” coffee, it must meet certain criteria: the importer must pay at least  $1.26 per pound, provide credit to farmers, and provide technical assistance, such as help transitioning to organic farming.

“CO2″ decaf is the latest of three decaf procedures.  The original procedure uses chemicals on the beans, which concerned many folks.  (If you don’t see any method identified in decaf coffee, that means the chemical method was used.)  Concern about chemical residue led to the second method:  Swiss Water Process” which uses no chemicals.

The CO2 method uses water and CO2 which, under pressure, causes the caffeine (only) to combine with the water, which is then extracted.  The CO2 method is used in a number of other industries, including extraction of pure saw palmetto (an herbal treatment for symptoms of benign prostate enlargement).  I often blend decaf with regular coffee to reduce caffeine consumption.

“Guatemalan Huehuetenago” identifies the country and type of coffee. I’m a big fan of Guatemalan coffee.  Guatemalan Antigua is probably my favorite everyday coffee, especially the dark roast which isn’t often found but is available from Coffee Bean Direct. (I swear on my moka pot that CBD isn’t paying me for extolling them!)

Here’s how CBD describes the Huehuetanango type, which is produced in the southern, volcanic region of Guatemala: spicy flavor, fair amount of acidity and quite strong.

Now I don’t know about you, but reading about and seeing coffee bean photos produces all sorts of neurological explosions in the pleasure centers of my brain, resulting in an urge to brew a cup of coffee and nibble on what’s left of the dozen 8-count boxes of Nonni’s biscotti I bought from Amazon.  I recently restocked the biscotti with a 32-count tw0-pound box I picked up at World Market.

If I’m just looking for a “quickie” then a French press procedure will do the trick.  For a more sensual experience, then Italian style (moka pot) is very satisfying.

But if I have the time and desire for a longer, fuller experience, why then doing it “Turkish style” provides all the good foreplay:  watch it rise, then subside;  rise again, then subside again; and finally one more rise, after which …ecstasy!

(Since I’m all steamed up over coffee, maybe next Sunday I’ll have to tell you about … my first time.  And it’s not about coffee either.)

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6 responses to “My Wife Caught Me With Porn !

  1. As I sit here reading your post with my Winn Dixie brand coffee in hand; all I can say is that you ruined my morning cofffee. By the way, does Larry Flynt publish that Penthouse coffee magazine of yours?

  2. LOL!

    Well Nick, although a liberal arts education is a virtue in itself, it does increase the probability that after graduation you will never have to drink a store brand generic coffee again!

  3. I certainly hope so. Did you see the article on Yahoo the other day about the quality of coffee at Starbucks vs. ordinary coffee?

  4. I missed it but did a search and found one about Eight O’Clock being better, if that’s the one you mean.

    Yes, I’ve heard for a long time that Eight O’Clock is good and for that price it better be. Many Coffee Bean Direct coffees are about that price; cheaper if you can buy 5 pounds of the same type.

    Starbucks has always been overpriced, I think.
    For example, that Guatemalan I mention in the post is $12.60 for one pound, but if you buy a 5-pound bag then it is only $6.55 / pound. And if you buy 25 pounds, there’s free shipping.

    So I get with some other coffee lovers and we place a single order for at least 25 pounds. If you want to get in on this action, let me know and I’ll e-mail you when the time comes. You too, Fakename….

  5. Greetings! This was very funny. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling poorly (per your comment on my blog about fishing). I haven’t been able to connect to the Internet at home since last Monday morning. Apparently the modem died. Talk about withdrawal symptoms…Hopefully I’ll get a new modem some time today.
    This coffee thing would be wasted on me 🙂 My taste buds aren’t sophisticated enough. If I run out of Mocha Java, my coffee of choice is Chock Full O’ Nuts. I did see on TV over the weekend that Eight O’Clock is the best selling brand in the U.S.

  6. > My taste buds aren’t sophisticated enough.

    I’d call Mocha Java fairly sophisticated!

    As for Eight O’Clock…. maybe when I’m retired and much poorer…. 😉 Or maybe I’ll be at the I-10 and Monroe exit with a placard: need contribution for gourmet coffee!

    The older I get, the more decrepit….

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